I Hate Talking About This Stuff

But it's definitely a necessary evil. This Jaycee Lee Dugard case is clearly disturbing. At the time, I lived in the area and visited Lake Tahoe a few times because my family had a cabin up there. I was so young that I really don't remember hearing about anything. CNN is, of course, talking about this woman's breaking story. Today, this story (Victims of repeated abuse suffer complex trauma) found it's way onto the front page. Lemme break this down...

Victims of abuse suffer crazy amounts of trauma. I can't even explain to people close to me things that happened or why I tend to act weird around certain things. The slightest little thing can trigger a flashback - a color, smell, look - even a word. Maybe it is because I am someone who experienced this kind of trauma, but the headline of the story seems like a no-brainer to me. I'm not going to compare myself to Ms. Dugard, but simply analyze this article based on my experiences.

"Sexual abuse doesn't happen in silence," said Karen Duncan, a clinical therapist. "Things are said to the child before, during and after. Offenders say things in a purposeful way -- to convince the child what they're doing is OK and acceptable. The children do not know the laws. They really don't know this is something that's not supposed to happen."

Sometimes things are said, sometimes not so much. It's all dependent on the abuser, abusee, and the situation. I had no clue what was going on with me was all that wrong at first. By the time I did, it wasn't like I had any power to stop it.

In sexual assault cases, adults threaten or lie to get children under their control.

"We don't know if she was told her parents didn't want her anymore, or that if she tried to escape, they would kill her parents," said Dr. Sharon Cooper, a developmental and forensic pediatrician, who also is a consultant for the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children. "There are many threats to compliance in these kinds of situations."

Something I find upsetting about any articles like these is that they always fail to mention child-on-child sexual abuse. Is it because many of us who have experienced this kind of abuse try to play it off as ordinary childhood sexual exploration? Who knows. At some point, however, an adult had to be involved with a child in order to prompt said child to mimic his/her actions with another. Also, as I've discussed before, threats don't necessarily have to be said or even made by the abuser. I was scared to death that a) no one would believe me, and b) my family would be ashamed of me.

Because Dugard remained at the Garridos' compound for 18 years, she could have identified with her captives, experts said. Dugard may actually miss her captors now because they have been the center of her world for so long, forensic psychiatrist Helen Morrison told CNN.

"That was her life," Morrison said. "That's what she knew. That's the only thing she had. It's a little variant of what we call the Stockholm syndrome where you become identified with your kidnappers and in many ways, you become attached to them."

It's not uncommon to see someone fail for their abuser or be so "in-love" with their abuser that they cannot leave the situation. My childhood abuser was my best friend. Why in the world would I think that she would've done anything to hurt me? Best friends love each other right? This was just another way of showing it, like grown ups do.

The pivotal step for Dugard is to get connected with a mental health professional, Landry said. It's essential to reinforce to survivors that what happened is not their fault.

This really is one of the best things to do. However, it is also one of the hardest things anyone will ever go through in their lives. On a day-to-day basis - before I told my mom and after - I can pretend that I am just another normal girl. I've talked to a therapist at school a few times about my abuse. As hard as it was to tell my mom, the person every little girl idolizes growing up and is so close to, about what happened... Having to tell a perfect stranger and feel as though they are judging you is a whole different ballgame. Oh, and that's not even mentioning that you have to tell people roughly what happened to you and go through hell all over again. I'd rather suffer in silence personally.

On Thursday, she [formally kidnapped Elizabeth Smart] told CNN's Anderson Cooper that after the reunion she spent lots of time with her family and advised survivors to not let "this horrible event take over and consume the rest of your life. Because we only have one life and it's a beautiful world out there."

"I would just encourage her to find different passions in life and continually push forward ... [and] not to look behind, because there's a lot out there," Smart said.

Ms. Smart has some very good advice there. We cannot let ourselves be defined by the abuse we've suffered. It is a part of my life and something that I can't escape from (in the long-run anyway). People don't need to know what happened to me or even that anything happened. I know what happened, that it was wrong, and that I did nothing to deserve that.

Sometimes there are tornadoes and hurricanes. The devastation is terrible, but that doesn't mean that the sun stops shining. We have to pick up the pieces, rearrange them, and try to rebuild our lives. Sure, it's a process (it's been four years since Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans and still the area is in ruins). As someone who is still in that process, I'm not quite sure that it ever ends. One can only hope.