So my ex from high school called me the other day. I was at work, and we ended up playing a nice game of phone tag. I finally was able to get back to him tonight, only to have him tell me that he never wants to talk to me again. John is ridiculously stupid, so it's not like it's that big a deal.
I clearly have no problem with this other than the fact that we never talk anyway. He went out of his way to call me for the first time in three or four months to tell me he doesn't want to talk to me... Literally, I've talked to him twice this year.
Apparently when I broke up with him the first time (yes, there was more than one), it really screwed him up. We had an honest conversation a few months back about his fiancee and how threatened I felt when we had been going out. One of the biggest reasons I broke up with him was because of the relationship that I could see beginning to form. I knew at some point that it would come down to her or me, and that I would be the one left out.
The funniest thing about this whole conversation was that I kept thinking about Theron - how much more eloquently he would put it, how there would be no phone call if I had broken his heart and he moved on, how ridiculous it all was.
It's amazing how someone from the past can remind you how good you have it right now.
I'm sure that it's embarrassing for Theron to read about himself and how wonderful I think he is, but I like embarrassing him. :) He really is amazingly wonderful. There might be days where I get annoyed with him, where I'm not as understanding of his needs, where I flirt with other people a little too much... But he is my dream man. He's everything that I've read and dreamed about since I was a little girl, and sometimes I forget that I went for so long without him. I love him more than he'll ever know, and I'm so excited for the rest of our lives to start.
Showing posts with label about me. Show all posts
Showing posts with label about me. Show all posts
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Reflections on 20
It's always interesting to me to have a birthday. No, it's not for the presents, but more about thinking ahead. Theron sent me an email yesterday about counting your blessings, along with his list of blessings. This year, it seems like I've grown up enough to look ahead into the next 20 years and see the blessings and accomplishments in my future.
In the last 20 years, I've been through so much. I graduated with honors, with two diplomas, and with my International Baccalaureate from high school. I entered college as a Sophomore, despite the fact that I'm staying for all four years in order to get a double major in Religious Studies and History. I found my niche at work, my group of friends there. I don't have a lot of friends otherwise, but a few fairly close people. I've had a mystery disease diagnosed and watched the number of people who have it and are diagnosed correctly skyrocket. It's gone from unbearable to manageable and normal for me. I've lost people I loved, most notably my great grandma Kay. I wonder what she would think of all the things that I've done, how proud she would be. I've moved cross-country, learned a whole new vocabulary, and figured out my political stance. I have a family who loves me. I not only have my family back home, my immediate family here, and dad's family, but I've gotten back in touch with my real dad (if only for one conversation), and gained a whole new family. I've been used, abused, taken for granted, blown off. I've fallen in "love" a few times. Now that I really know what love is, I can truly say that I'm in love for the first time.
I've managed to find someone who understands my insanity, quirkiness, dorkiness and ditziness, and who embraces me because of all that. Theron is all that I ever dreamed my Prince Charming could be, and then some. He puts up with my ranting, my occasional depression, and my unbelievable Belle-like quietness. And because of it all Theron loves me more?!?!? I am the luckiest girl in the entire world.
Looking ahead, I don't know when/where everything will happen. I'll graduate from Carroll and pursue Graduate school somewhere. I'll get my Masters maybe, or my Ph,d..I'll find a school, whether high school or college, to teach at where I can help to enlighten young minds and have an influence on the future. Maybe I'll write a dissertation and/or get a book published.
I know I'll get married and have kids, and that comes with a whole mess of things. I'll get a house, attend PTA meetings, scoot my kids off to piano lessons, baseball practice, dance lessons - all that good stuff. I'll take them on trips to visit my uncles and aunts and their cute kids. Watch them grow up and fall in love - hopefully not get married quite yet though.
I'll lose people that I love, people that I'm close to now. The thing that I hate the most about growing up is the change, even though that's what makes life fun. Learning new things, making new memories, meeting new people - that's what life is about. I just hate the thought of losing people.
As for the near future...
I feel like this year is going to be a good one for me. In the fall, I'll move onto campus and learn what it's like to take care of myself more. I'll be taking fun and challenging classes, learning more and more about the world around me and how it got to be this way.
In the next few weeks, I'll have finals and start the season of working my butt off, in every way. Theron will graduate, and I'll be so proud to see him make that walk. I hope he knows how amazing he is, and how very proud I am to be a part of his life.
As for today, the only gift I can ask for is peace. Not world peace - that won't be achieved in one day, and probably not even in my lifetime. I just want a nice peaceful day, which is already on it's way to ruins by now since no one can put other's needs in front of their pride. I want to talk to my family back home - most of whom I already talked to today - and know that they're alright. Most of all though, I just want my house to feel like a home, one where fighting doesn't happen, even just for 24 hours.
*Wish real hard*
In the last 20 years, I've been through so much. I graduated with honors, with two diplomas, and with my International Baccalaureate from high school. I entered college as a Sophomore, despite the fact that I'm staying for all four years in order to get a double major in Religious Studies and History. I found my niche at work, my group of friends there. I don't have a lot of friends otherwise, but a few fairly close people. I've had a mystery disease diagnosed and watched the number of people who have it and are diagnosed correctly skyrocket. It's gone from unbearable to manageable and normal for me. I've lost people I loved, most notably my great grandma Kay. I wonder what she would think of all the things that I've done, how proud she would be. I've moved cross-country, learned a whole new vocabulary, and figured out my political stance. I have a family who loves me. I not only have my family back home, my immediate family here, and dad's family, but I've gotten back in touch with my real dad (if only for one conversation), and gained a whole new family. I've been used, abused, taken for granted, blown off. I've fallen in "love" a few times. Now that I really know what love is, I can truly say that I'm in love for the first time.
I've managed to find someone who understands my insanity, quirkiness, dorkiness and ditziness, and who embraces me because of all that. Theron is all that I ever dreamed my Prince Charming could be, and then some. He puts up with my ranting, my occasional depression, and my unbelievable Belle-like quietness. And because of it all Theron loves me more?!?!? I am the luckiest girl in the entire world.
Looking ahead, I don't know when/where everything will happen. I'll graduate from Carroll and pursue Graduate school somewhere. I'll get my Masters maybe, or my Ph,d..I'll find a school, whether high school or college, to teach at where I can help to enlighten young minds and have an influence on the future. Maybe I'll write a dissertation and/or get a book published.
I know I'll get married and have kids, and that comes with a whole mess of things. I'll get a house, attend PTA meetings, scoot my kids off to piano lessons, baseball practice, dance lessons - all that good stuff. I'll take them on trips to visit my uncles and aunts and their cute kids. Watch them grow up and fall in love - hopefully not get married quite yet though.
I'll lose people that I love, people that I'm close to now. The thing that I hate the most about growing up is the change, even though that's what makes life fun. Learning new things, making new memories, meeting new people - that's what life is about. I just hate the thought of losing people.
As for the near future...
I feel like this year is going to be a good one for me. In the fall, I'll move onto campus and learn what it's like to take care of myself more. I'll be taking fun and challenging classes, learning more and more about the world around me and how it got to be this way.
In the next few weeks, I'll have finals and start the season of working my butt off, in every way. Theron will graduate, and I'll be so proud to see him make that walk. I hope he knows how amazing he is, and how very proud I am to be a part of his life.
As for today, the only gift I can ask for is peace. Not world peace - that won't be achieved in one day, and probably not even in my lifetime. I just want a nice peaceful day, which is already on it's way to ruins by now since no one can put other's needs in front of their pride. I want to talk to my family back home - most of whom I already talked to today - and know that they're alright. Most of all though, I just want my house to feel like a home, one where fighting doesn't happen, even just for 24 hours.
*Wish real hard*
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Gah!
It's cold. It wouldn't really bother me except that my metabolism is all low because I haven't eaten yet today, and my sweater - which looked so warm when I bought it - is crap! I should just take it back later...
My body is aching so bad. Not sure whether it's the cold or the fact that I walked so much yesterday... Or that I'm hungry and cranky, and maybe trying to find things to complain about to a whole new audience!
I don't have to work again until Friday night. Hopefully my boss won't be there. Grrr is my manager at Kmart (for safety's sake - thanks Theron). Outside of work, she's an awesome lady - relatively easy to get along with. But when I'm at work... it's a totally different story. It feels like she doesn't think I'm capable of things. I am! I work my butt off everyday that I'm there. I'm the soft home team lead (basically, I manage towels, sheets, pillows, curtains, and other domestical items). I am the only one that does anything in that department. I used to have someone in charge of me, but now I report directly to the managers. They're not hiring anyone else to be my boss either, so I'll be alone there forever! It's extremely hard to take care of all of that and go to school full time. I have a minimum of 20 hours that I have to work in that department, and on top of that I end up doing a million other things. I know how to do everything in that store, so everyone asks me to cover their breaks and such. It's not my fault that there's no one on the floor - let alone anyone who knows how to do hunting licenses or has override numbers or knows where everything is in jewelry! I make more than people that have been there for years - which really actually makes me feel really bad - but it doesn't seem like I'm appreciated by Grrr otherwise. I bake cookies and buy pizza to share with everyone so they're happy, because she's brought down the morale so much that it only takes small things like that... All the best people have started to leave or are looking to, because they can't stand her and the way she manages the place. The store keeps getting worse and worse, because no one cares about having their job anymore - no one cares if they do well, because they hate everything that store is now. I do too, but I at least try to work a little bit. I guess I just feel stretched thin, and being unappreciated isn't helping it.
School is great. I love being in college, and so close to my goal of teaching. I just wish I had figured out that's what I wanted last year, so that I didn't have to stay here longer. My Calc 1 class hasn't been going so well, but hopefully since I'm doing the homework now, and I understand more, I'll be able to do better on the test tomorrow. Crap! I gotta catch up on that fast!
Theron is so cute. I'm sure he's gonna be all, "Why are you bragging about me? Now the people on my baseball blog will think I'm all crazy...ier..." But he really is. He's perfect for me, and it's awesome. I really feel like I have a center now, and whether or not he is it or helped me find it, I'm super grateful.
I got all these Buddhist books the other day, and I'm slowly working on them. It really is mostly what I've believe my whole life. I don't necessarily believe everything, but most of it. Reincarnation? Sure. No soul attached to the reincarnation thing? Not so much. Otherwise, you wouldn't really remember it, right? Not that you do anyway, but when you achieve Nirvana I mean.
For now, I'm going to go get some hot chocolate... or some coffee... maybe Theron won't notice that I had some with my coffee breath... I doubt it though.
Enjoy this fascinating tidbit on JRA:
Many famous people have suffered from RA. Pierre-Auguste Renoir, the 19th-century painter, developed RA in mid-life. His hands became so crippled that his paint brush had to be wedged between his fingers. However, he kept his sense of humour. He joked that he never finished a nude painting until he thought he could pinch it!
Comedy queen Lucille Ball of "I Love Lucy" fame had rheumatoid arthritis when she was 17 but that didn’t stop her from pursuing her dreams. Her first attack came while she was working as a model for Hattie Carnegie’s famous dress shop. She felt excruciating pain in her legs and the doctor who saw her said she would probably end up in a wheelchair as a result of the disease. Lucy was later referred to an orthopedic clinic near Columbia University where she was given experimental "horse serum" shots for several weeks that drained her money but didn’t stop the pain. Frightened and discouraged, she returned to her parent’s home in Jamestown, New York. "Gradually the pain subsided and finally one day with the support of her father and doctor, Lucy stood up, feeling wobbly and unsteady. Her left leg was now somewhat shorter than her right leg and it pulled sideways. To correct this, she began wearing a 20 - pound weight in one of her black orthopedic shoes. Though Lucy had residual pain she was able to take a part offered her with the Jamestown Players and she later returned to New York City in search of her dreams," said Carol and Richard Eustice - the people behind About.com’s Arthritis Guide who both have rheumatoid arthritis as well.
Hollywood star Kathleen Turner was so bothered by the pain of rheumatoid arthritis that she had suicidal thoughts.Rosalind Russell, star of the silver screen, had severe RA and did much to garner support for the advancement of research into this disease.
Aida Turturro- Aida Turturro plays Tony Soprano's conniving sister, Janice, on the HBO series "The Sopranos" , AND has suffered from rheumatoid arthritis since she was a child.
Camryn Manheim- "I went to several doctors before visiting a rheumatologist who finally diagnosed the painful swelling and stiffness in my joints as rheumatoid arthritis," says Camryn. "It took close to eight months for me to get properly diagnosed and treated. I lost valuable time, and the joint damage I sustained is irreversible. I'm sharing my story with the hope that it will inspire others to take control of their rheumatoid arthritis by learning more about the disease and working with a rheumatologist to manage it." Camryn first noticed the pain and stiffness in her fingers while she was practicing sign language, a passion of hers for more than 20 years. Initially, Camryn was told the pain was due to aging, but because of the severity of her symptoms, Camryn knew it was something more. It wasn't until Camryn conducted her own research and consulted with a rheumatologist that she received a proper diagnosis and found a treatment regimen that worked for her. Now, Camryn's symptoms are under control and she again has the energy to enjoy her normal daily activities, like teaching sign language and playing with her four-year-old son. Camryn's rheumatologist also is managing her treatment process closely to ensure she does not endure additional joint destruction.
-I got this from Michelle's Myspace page on Fighting Rheumatoid Arthritis - check it out on my JRA links list.
My body is aching so bad. Not sure whether it's the cold or the fact that I walked so much yesterday... Or that I'm hungry and cranky, and maybe trying to find things to complain about to a whole new audience!
I don't have to work again until Friday night. Hopefully my boss won't be there. Grrr is my manager at Kmart (for safety's sake - thanks Theron). Outside of work, she's an awesome lady - relatively easy to get along with. But when I'm at work... it's a totally different story. It feels like she doesn't think I'm capable of things. I am! I work my butt off everyday that I'm there. I'm the soft home team lead (basically, I manage towels, sheets, pillows, curtains, and other domestical items). I am the only one that does anything in that department. I used to have someone in charge of me, but now I report directly to the managers. They're not hiring anyone else to be my boss either, so I'll be alone there forever! It's extremely hard to take care of all of that and go to school full time. I have a minimum of 20 hours that I have to work in that department, and on top of that I end up doing a million other things. I know how to do everything in that store, so everyone asks me to cover their breaks and such. It's not my fault that there's no one on the floor - let alone anyone who knows how to do hunting licenses or has override numbers or knows where everything is in jewelry! I make more than people that have been there for years - which really actually makes me feel really bad - but it doesn't seem like I'm appreciated by Grrr otherwise. I bake cookies and buy pizza to share with everyone so they're happy, because she's brought down the morale so much that it only takes small things like that... All the best people have started to leave or are looking to, because they can't stand her and the way she manages the place. The store keeps getting worse and worse, because no one cares about having their job anymore - no one cares if they do well, because they hate everything that store is now. I do too, but I at least try to work a little bit. I guess I just feel stretched thin, and being unappreciated isn't helping it.
School is great. I love being in college, and so close to my goal of teaching. I just wish I had figured out that's what I wanted last year, so that I didn't have to stay here longer. My Calc 1 class hasn't been going so well, but hopefully since I'm doing the homework now, and I understand more, I'll be able to do better on the test tomorrow. Crap! I gotta catch up on that fast!
Theron is so cute. I'm sure he's gonna be all, "Why are you bragging about me? Now the people on my baseball blog will think I'm all crazy...ier..." But he really is. He's perfect for me, and it's awesome. I really feel like I have a center now, and whether or not he is it or helped me find it, I'm super grateful.
I got all these Buddhist books the other day, and I'm slowly working on them. It really is mostly what I've believe my whole life. I don't necessarily believe everything, but most of it. Reincarnation? Sure. No soul attached to the reincarnation thing? Not so much. Otherwise, you wouldn't really remember it, right? Not that you do anyway, but when you achieve Nirvana I mean.
For now, I'm going to go get some hot chocolate... or some coffee... maybe Theron won't notice that I had some with my coffee breath... I doubt it though.
Enjoy this fascinating tidbit on JRA:
Many famous people have suffered from RA. Pierre-Auguste Renoir, the 19th-century painter, developed RA in mid-life. His hands became so crippled that his paint brush had to be wedged between his fingers. However, he kept his sense of humour. He joked that he never finished a nude painting until he thought he could pinch it!
Comedy queen Lucille Ball of "I Love Lucy" fame had rheumatoid arthritis when she was 17 but that didn’t stop her from pursuing her dreams. Her first attack came while she was working as a model for Hattie Carnegie’s famous dress shop. She felt excruciating pain in her legs and the doctor who saw her said she would probably end up in a wheelchair as a result of the disease. Lucy was later referred to an orthopedic clinic near Columbia University where she was given experimental "horse serum" shots for several weeks that drained her money but didn’t stop the pain. Frightened and discouraged, she returned to her parent’s home in Jamestown, New York. "Gradually the pain subsided and finally one day with the support of her father and doctor, Lucy stood up, feeling wobbly and unsteady. Her left leg was now somewhat shorter than her right leg and it pulled sideways. To correct this, she began wearing a 20 - pound weight in one of her black orthopedic shoes. Though Lucy had residual pain she was able to take a part offered her with the Jamestown Players and she later returned to New York City in search of her dreams," said Carol and Richard Eustice - the people behind About.com’s Arthritis Guide who both have rheumatoid arthritis as well.
Hollywood star Kathleen Turner was so bothered by the pain of rheumatoid arthritis that she had suicidal thoughts.Rosalind Russell, star of the silver screen, had severe RA and did much to garner support for the advancement of research into this disease.
Aida Turturro- Aida Turturro plays Tony Soprano's conniving sister, Janice, on the HBO series "The Sopranos" , AND has suffered from rheumatoid arthritis since she was a child.
Camryn Manheim- "I went to several doctors before visiting a rheumatologist who finally diagnosed the painful swelling and stiffness in my joints as rheumatoid arthritis," says Camryn. "It took close to eight months for me to get properly diagnosed and treated. I lost valuable time, and the joint damage I sustained is irreversible. I'm sharing my story with the hope that it will inspire others to take control of their rheumatoid arthritis by learning more about the disease and working with a rheumatologist to manage it." Camryn first noticed the pain and stiffness in her fingers while she was practicing sign language, a passion of hers for more than 20 years. Initially, Camryn was told the pain was due to aging, but because of the severity of her symptoms, Camryn knew it was something more. It wasn't until Camryn conducted her own research and consulted with a rheumatologist that she received a proper diagnosis and found a treatment regimen that worked for her. Now, Camryn's symptoms are under control and she again has the energy to enjoy her normal daily activities, like teaching sign language and playing with her four-year-old son. Camryn's rheumatologist also is managing her treatment process closely to ensure she does not endure additional joint destruction.
-I got this from Michelle's Myspace page on Fighting Rheumatoid Arthritis - check it out on my JRA links list.
First Post - woohoo!
So this is my blog. I'm sure you've stumbled over it accidentally while trying to search serious "How To"s, but this'll help you, trust me.
A lil bit about me...
I'm 19, in college majoring in math and education. Someday I'll have a classroom full of high school students thinking I'm either insane or genius. I've got an awesome boyfriend who also blogs on here, about baseball (his other love). We've been together a month as of last Saturday, and I totally feel perfect around him. I love music (my equivalent to his baseball). I sing, compose, write, play the piano - which I taught myself for the most part. I'm always singing or listening, so in essence, it's my life. I have Still's Disease (also known as Systemic Onset Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis). My life is centered around the things I can and can't do, although I tend to push myself a lot to feel more normal. I'll put more about it in an about me section I suppose.
The purpose...
of this blog is to offer some insight into how it is to be a giggly & giddy go-getter with a million things on her mind, working almost full time at (suc)Kmart and going to school full time. It'll have advice & hints on how to make it through the hard days, celebrations on the good, and commentaries on the normal. It'll chronicle my JRA, be a guide for people who need help managing pain, and for those interested in making a journey to self-discovery. I'm just starting on my path into Buddhism, taking a class about Asian Religions at school. But, I'm growing more and more certain everyday that it's the right path for me.
I would love to get any feedback on any of my posts. My email is kwhiggitywhiggitywhack@gmail.com. Feel free to email me at anytime. Fun addy, huh? X-P
A lil bit about me...
I'm 19, in college majoring in math and education. Someday I'll have a classroom full of high school students thinking I'm either insane or genius. I've got an awesome boyfriend who also blogs on here, about baseball (his other love). We've been together a month as of last Saturday, and I totally feel perfect around him. I love music (my equivalent to his baseball). I sing, compose, write, play the piano - which I taught myself for the most part. I'm always singing or listening, so in essence, it's my life. I have Still's Disease (also known as Systemic Onset Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis). My life is centered around the things I can and can't do, although I tend to push myself a lot to feel more normal. I'll put more about it in an about me section I suppose.
The purpose...
of this blog is to offer some insight into how it is to be a giggly & giddy go-getter with a million things on her mind, working almost full time at (suc)Kmart and going to school full time. It'll have advice & hints on how to make it through the hard days, celebrations on the good, and commentaries on the normal. It'll chronicle my JRA, be a guide for people who need help managing pain, and for those interested in making a journey to self-discovery. I'm just starting on my path into Buddhism, taking a class about Asian Religions at school. But, I'm growing more and more certain everyday that it's the right path for me.
I would love to get any feedback on any of my posts. My email is kwhiggitywhiggitywhack@gmail.com. Feel free to email me at anytime. Fun addy, huh? X-P
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