Reflections on 20

It's always interesting to me to have a birthday. No, it's not for the presents, but more about thinking ahead. Theron sent me an email yesterday about counting your blessings, along with his list of blessings. This year, it seems like I've grown up enough to look ahead into the next 20 years and see the blessings and accomplishments in my future.

In the last 20 years, I've been through so much. I graduated with honors, with two diplomas, and with my International Baccalaureate from high school. I entered college as a Sophomore, despite the fact that I'm staying for all four years in order to get a double major in Religious Studies and History. I found my niche at work, my group of friends there. I don't have a lot of friends otherwise, but a few fairly close people. I've had a mystery disease diagnosed and watched the number of people who have it and are diagnosed correctly skyrocket. It's gone from unbearable to manageable and normal for me. I've lost people I loved, most notably my great grandma Kay. I wonder what she would think of all the things that I've done, how proud she would be. I've moved cross-country, learned a whole new vocabulary, and figured out my political stance. I have a family who loves me. I not only have my family back home, my immediate family here, and dad's family, but I've gotten back in touch with my real dad (if only for one conversation), and gained a whole new family. I've been used, abused, taken for granted, blown off. I've fallen in "love" a few times. Now that I really know what love is, I can truly say that I'm in love for the first time.

I've managed to find someone who understands my insanity, quirkiness, dorkiness and ditziness, and who embraces me because of all that. Theron is all that I ever dreamed my Prince Charming could be, and then some. He puts up with my ranting, my occasional depression, and my unbelievable Belle-like quietness. And because of it all Theron loves me more?!?!? I am the luckiest girl in the entire world.

Looking ahead, I don't know when/where everything will happen. I'll graduate from Carroll and pursue Graduate school somewhere. I'll get my Masters maybe, or my Ph,d..I'll find a school, whether high school or college, to teach at where I can help to enlighten young minds and have an influence on the future. Maybe I'll write a dissertation and/or get a book published.
I know I'll get married and have kids, and that comes with a whole mess of things. I'll get a house, attend PTA meetings, scoot my kids off to piano lessons, baseball practice, dance lessons - all that good stuff. I'll take them on trips to visit my uncles and aunts and their cute kids. Watch them grow up and fall in love - hopefully not get married quite yet though.
I'll lose people that I love, people that I'm close to now. The thing that I hate the most about growing up is the change, even though that's what makes life fun. Learning new things, making new memories, meeting new people - that's what life is about. I just hate the thought of losing people.

As for the near future...

I feel like this year is going to be a good one for me. In the fall, I'll move onto campus and learn what it's like to take care of myself more. I'll be taking fun and challenging classes, learning more and more about the world around me and how it got to be this way.

In the next few weeks, I'll have finals and start the season of working my butt off, in every way. Theron will graduate, and I'll be so proud to see him make that walk. I hope he knows how amazing he is, and how very proud I am to be a part of his life.

As for today, the only gift I can ask for is peace. Not world peace - that won't be achieved in one day, and probably not even in my lifetime. I just want a nice peaceful day, which is already on it's way to ruins by now since no one can put other's needs in front of their pride. I want to talk to my family back home - most of whom I already talked to today - and know that they're alright. Most of all though, I just want my house to feel like a home, one where fighting doesn't happen, even just for 24 hours.

*Wish real hard*