I am so tired.
I feel so awkward in my own skin lately and I don't understand why.
When people around me are sad, I don't know what to do. I have too many empathic feelings. I can't block out how others feel, but I also can't make anyone happy. Then I'm not happy and can't help myself.
I don't know what's wrong and I don't know how to fix it.
Blah.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Heath Ledger
He was found dead today in his Brooklyn apartment which takes up the entire fourth floor of the building.
I remember a time in my life, much like other girls about my age, when I was obsessed with the Australian heartthrob. When I found out today that he had died, it was like being smacked with a ton of bricks labeled "Mortality." This man, this person was someone I had idolized when he was just 19 - my age. To think that now, at 28, he is gone forever, never to grace another premiere, never to light up the red carpet with his amazing smile... it is heart-wrenching. Maybe it hits me harder because of my depression, imagination, border-line obsession. Maybe I am just a silly girl who overreacts, overthinks.
I only hope that Michelle will be there for Matilda and not go over the deep end.
In true smart ass, I-have-to-make-jokes-to-get-through-emotional-times fashion, here are the 10 things I will miss about Heath Ledger, in no particular order.
All he did to help troubled youth.
His amazing acting ability.
Seeing pictures of him and Matilda out on the town.
His wit.
Waiting to see how he challenges himself with his roles.
How he brought all of himself to a role and was able to get so immersed into it.
His wonderful sense of humor.
His smile.
His eyes.
The way a room lit up when he laughed or smiled.
It has been quite a sobering day for me, but one where I've seized my life and made the most of it. Hopefully his death with help others realize what little time we have on this earth, and that we have to live life to its fullest and live every second as if it was our last.
I remember a time in my life, much like other girls about my age, when I was obsessed with the Australian heartthrob. When I found out today that he had died, it was like being smacked with a ton of bricks labeled "Mortality." This man, this person was someone I had idolized when he was just 19 - my age. To think that now, at 28, he is gone forever, never to grace another premiere, never to light up the red carpet with his amazing smile... it is heart-wrenching. Maybe it hits me harder because of my depression, imagination, border-line obsession. Maybe I am just a silly girl who overreacts, overthinks.
I only hope that Michelle will be there for Matilda and not go over the deep end.
In true smart ass, I-have-to-make-jokes-to-get-through-emotional-times fashion, here are the 10 things I will miss about Heath Ledger, in no particular order.
All he did to help troubled youth.
His amazing acting ability.
Seeing pictures of him and Matilda out on the town.
His wit.
Waiting to see how he challenges himself with his roles.
How he brought all of himself to a role and was able to get so immersed into it.
His wonderful sense of humor.
His smile.
His eyes.
The way a room lit up when he laughed or smiled.
It has been quite a sobering day for me, but one where I've seized my life and made the most of it. Hopefully his death with help others realize what little time we have on this earth, and that we have to live life to its fullest and live every second as if it was our last.
Are you ready for some football?
That Packers game was pretty damn good right? Like a hella good action movie, it was filled with suspense and anticipation. Now that we know who is going to the super bowl, people are talking about the quarterbacks involved in the AFC and NFC championships...
Tom Brady seen in a walking cast! Yes! Okay, I don't like to be excited about someone else's pain, but Brady and the Patriots are cheaters. He and his coach should've been removed from the team after the cheating scandal broke because they still know all that crap about the other teams and that information is still helping them... not to mention he was going to marry Bridget Moynahan, knocked her up, and then left her for that whore of a model Gisele, which really does make his character even worse. Come on, the whole world sees her mostly naked 90% of the time... I have no idea how that man can live with himself. Ugh. In any case, he deserves to lose the super bowl after having a damn perfect season. Hopefully his foot keeps him out of the game, since his back up QB never gets to play... Brady has played in 124 consecutive games. That doesn't leave much time for the lil guy to get in some real practice.
And Brett. People are talking about him retiring, as they always do. BUT if you were watching the last few seconds of the game, during his conversation with Eli Manning, you could hear him say, "Well, I guess I just have to stay on for another year." Just like I thought, he is waiting for one last super bowl win to retire on a high note.
San Diego Chargers QB Phillip Rivers apparently had to have arthroscopic surgery on his knee just days before his championship game against the Patriots. The surgery normally takes 3-6 weeks to heal. He has to have more surgery to replace a torn ligament in the same knee, and his rehab is likely going to take more than 6 months.
And Mr. Eli Manning. No bad news about him. I'm sure he is excited though... especially with Brady in a walking cast.
All in all, I'm looking forward to seeing Eli triumph over the dynasty of the Patriots and make his football family even prouder.
Tom Brady seen in a walking cast! Yes! Okay, I don't like to be excited about someone else's pain, but Brady and the Patriots are cheaters. He and his coach should've been removed from the team after the cheating scandal broke because they still know all that crap about the other teams and that information is still helping them... not to mention he was going to marry Bridget Moynahan, knocked her up, and then left her for that whore of a model Gisele, which really does make his character even worse. Come on, the whole world sees her mostly naked 90% of the time... I have no idea how that man can live with himself. Ugh. In any case, he deserves to lose the super bowl after having a damn perfect season. Hopefully his foot keeps him out of the game, since his back up QB never gets to play... Brady has played in 124 consecutive games. That doesn't leave much time for the lil guy to get in some real practice.
And Brett. People are talking about him retiring, as they always do. BUT if you were watching the last few seconds of the game, during his conversation with Eli Manning, you could hear him say, "Well, I guess I just have to stay on for another year." Just like I thought, he is waiting for one last super bowl win to retire on a high note.
San Diego Chargers QB Phillip Rivers apparently had to have arthroscopic surgery on his knee just days before his championship game against the Patriots. The surgery normally takes 3-6 weeks to heal. He has to have more surgery to replace a torn ligament in the same knee, and his rehab is likely going to take more than 6 months.
And Mr. Eli Manning. No bad news about him. I'm sure he is excited though... especially with Brady in a walking cast.
All in all, I'm looking forward to seeing Eli triumph over the dynasty of the Patriots and make his football family even prouder.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Okay, Okay
Yeah, told ya I'd be working a lot. Sorry it's taken me a while.
Told Susan that I'd rather be at the service desk than in domestics. She was super happy because I'm nice enough to the customers that I can really excel up there. Had an Afghani guy hit on my today... It was the same one, this time accompanied by his friend, who had been a total ass to me last night. The customer behind him said last night said that he was afraid the guy was going to jump the counter and kick my ass... hehe
I'm so excited! Theron comes back from his house tomorrow for school. Knowing how he rolls, I probably won't see him until Monday, but at least he'll be around-ish. And now neither of us have super early classes, so that will be nice.
School starts on Monday. I'm super excited. I got my books and all except one of Theron's, simply because it wasn't in yet. At least the government is good for something X-P
I totally overhauled my room last night and organized it quite a bit. Now I just have to work on organizing my closet and I'll be all set. I work 8-4 tomorrow at the service desk. I'm gonna try to get some totes and organize my closet.
Anyhow, I gotta run.
Told Susan that I'd rather be at the service desk than in domestics. She was super happy because I'm nice enough to the customers that I can really excel up there. Had an Afghani guy hit on my today... It was the same one, this time accompanied by his friend, who had been a total ass to me last night. The customer behind him said last night said that he was afraid the guy was going to jump the counter and kick my ass... hehe
I'm so excited! Theron comes back from his house tomorrow for school. Knowing how he rolls, I probably won't see him until Monday, but at least he'll be around-ish. And now neither of us have super early classes, so that will be nice.
School starts on Monday. I'm super excited. I got my books and all except one of Theron's, simply because it wasn't in yet. At least the government is good for something X-P
I totally overhauled my room last night and organized it quite a bit. Now I just have to work on organizing my closet and I'll be all set. I work 8-4 tomorrow at the service desk. I'm gonna try to get some totes and organize my closet.
Anyhow, I gotta run.
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
Stewart/Colbert '08
Note: I've been working a lot. Don't feel neglected - I haven't even been returning phone calls to my friends. I got a second job working with my parents Mon-Wed, working at Kmart the other days of the week until school starts.
No, Jon and Stephen haven't thrown their hats into the Presidential race Since Stephen's failed attempt at running in South Carolina, I doubt that will happen for another 4 years at least. But, the duo have returned to late night... without their writers, due to the strike. I have to say, I love them both immensely, but Stephen, you are way better without writers than Jon. I don't know what it is, but you just have something that screams "Laugh!"
Mike is still here. My sister still wants to die and/or kill him. It got so bad the other night that I pretty much had my baseball bat on me at all times. I just didn't feel comfortable.
The Hot Topic in Brookfield Square is closing! But I got a lot of cute stuff for under 6 bucks, especially for there..
Theron's great grandma died. :( I am so sorry for Theron and their family, but very happy for her. He surprised me tonight by being in town and taking me out to dinner with his mom. After a week of not seeing him, it was a very welcomed night out. Since we were with his mom, we weren't quite as lovey as normal - which is always the case - but still, it was nice to see his smile and get a kiss or two. :) Our moms met tonight too, so that was nice to get out of the way. And school starts in about a week and a half, so I'll finally get Theron all to myself - mwahahahaha!
No, Jon and Stephen haven't thrown their hats into the Presidential race Since Stephen's failed attempt at running in South Carolina, I doubt that will happen for another 4 years at least. But, the duo have returned to late night... without their writers, due to the strike. I have to say, I love them both immensely, but Stephen, you are way better without writers than Jon. I don't know what it is, but you just have something that screams "Laugh!"
Mike is still here. My sister still wants to die and/or kill him. It got so bad the other night that I pretty much had my baseball bat on me at all times. I just didn't feel comfortable.
The Hot Topic in Brookfield Square is closing! But I got a lot of cute stuff for under 6 bucks, especially for there..
Theron's great grandma died. :( I am so sorry for Theron and their family, but very happy for her. He surprised me tonight by being in town and taking me out to dinner with his mom. After a week of not seeing him, it was a very welcomed night out. Since we were with his mom, we weren't quite as lovey as normal - which is always the case - but still, it was nice to see his smile and get a kiss or two. :) Our moms met tonight too, so that was nice to get out of the way. And school starts in about a week and a half, so I'll finally get Theron all to myself - mwahahahaha!
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
Happy New Years
As always my holidays were filled with drama and stupidness. Grrr.
At work yesterday, I was like a 2-year-old on Christmas eve. I kept counting down the hours until I got to see my hunny again.I ended up getting off work late because I was covering Tyler's lunch in electronics and he always takes forever! As soon as I got up to the front, I get clobbered by Theron. I totally had no clue he was right there. We went to Pizza Hut for dinner, which was fun. I missed him so much and it was so good to be able to spend some time with him. I feel like I am the luckiest girl in the world... and I think I am. I got my New Years kiss! :)
Usually my family has some big blow up on the holidays, but this time it was caused by our very special guest, Mr. Mike. I'm not going into details, but we stayed in my room the whole time.
Then of course last night, he has to go off on how disrespectful Kelsey and I are of my mom. Okay, yes, I'll admit, we can be that way just like every child can, especially during puberty and the stresses that we have. However, if he wants to talk about us like that, he'd best to examine his own relationship with his father and the way he speaks to dad.
Whatever, I'm tired of living in a high school where every five seconds I offend someone or there's more drama caused by the inner-brain of a retarded 12-year-old-mindset 24 year old. He should've grown up a long time ago. He keeps blaming his problems on dad and his mom's divorce, but he was 20 at the time. I totally had my shit together when I was 12... I hate immaturity.
I just can't wait until school starts again... or we kick Mike out. Either way, he has to get outta here. He's driving my family crazy and then me too... Grrr.
At work yesterday, I was like a 2-year-old on Christmas eve. I kept counting down the hours until I got to see my hunny again.I ended up getting off work late because I was covering Tyler's lunch in electronics and he always takes forever! As soon as I got up to the front, I get clobbered by Theron. I totally had no clue he was right there. We went to Pizza Hut for dinner, which was fun. I missed him so much and it was so good to be able to spend some time with him. I feel like I am the luckiest girl in the world... and I think I am. I got my New Years kiss! :)
Usually my family has some big blow up on the holidays, but this time it was caused by our very special guest, Mr. Mike. I'm not going into details, but we stayed in my room the whole time.
Then of course last night, he has to go off on how disrespectful Kelsey and I are of my mom. Okay, yes, I'll admit, we can be that way just like every child can, especially during puberty and the stresses that we have. However, if he wants to talk about us like that, he'd best to examine his own relationship with his father and the way he speaks to dad.
Whatever, I'm tired of living in a high school where every five seconds I offend someone or there's more drama caused by the inner-brain of a retarded 12-year-old-mindset 24 year old. He should've grown up a long time ago. He keeps blaming his problems on dad and his mom's divorce, but he was 20 at the time. I totally had my shit together when I was 12... I hate immaturity.
I just can't wait until school starts again... or we kick Mike out. Either way, he has to get outta here. He's driving my family crazy and then me too... Grrr.
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